Ken Penders
| Ken Penders | ||
|---|---|---|
| ||
|
Alias(es) |
The Worst Sonic Writer of All Time | |
|
Pronouns |
He/him | |
|
Birth date |
September 28, 1958 | |
|
Occupation(s) |
Nickelodeon Comic Writer | |
|
Education |
US Air Force | |
|
Friends |
Archie Staff (formerly) | |
|
Affiliation(s) |
NPC Alliance | |
|
Previous affiliation(s) |
Archie Staff | |
|
Enemies |
Karl Bollers / Chef Pee Pee | |
|
Ethnicity |
White | |
Ken Penders is a writer and later director of the Fanboy and Chum Chum comics, writer for Doki Doki Literature Club's bonus DLC content, and most prominently; The Masturbation Diaries Series, where he tried to slowly make Sky Lark the main protagonist and Bob Bobowski the primary villain (he killed off Kyle). Tired of all the goofy shit the show is known for, he decided to take the comics into a paint by the numbers mythological narrative driven soap opera, full of consequence, death, and flawed heroes, also adding a shit ton of characters of questionable necessity. He was later replaced by the legendary Stephen Hillenburg who would then get replaced by Adam Sandler and Quan Millz with Enric the Human as the director. Ken Penders would later enter a gay relationship with Satan during the Meme Saga. He also held a few lesser known roles in writing comics for Star Trek and being a story-boarder for King of the Hill. His short lived story-board position for King of the Hill would get him into working for Nickelodeon as a full-time employee.
Hillenburg who was brought into the seat of directing SpongeBob again would soon arise with a new era that would be as short as his first reign. After making many manga panels from December 3, 1990, to July 25, 1994, Hillenburg who began writing the SpongeBob manga in September 18, 1997, would later continue the narrative under closer inspection in September 10, 2006 with irregular serialization following the release of the 2004 SpongeBob Movie, in his spare time would write a few one-shot stories, but after seeing Penders ruin Nickelodeon as well as the SpongeBob IP, Ken Penders and his network of influencers were fired in 2015, resulting in Hillenburg stepping in and rebranding Fanboy & Chum Chum Comics to CrösS;OVEr and reboot the timeline, however, Hillenburg would later state in an interview expressing his discomfort of being forced to return to Nick as series director, "I would rather just draw things, I hate writing. If I don’t draw it, I will start to feel sick when it doesn’t take form. You don’t want to leave ideas idle in your mind," showing massive creative burnout, this later lead to early cancellation of the SpongeBob Manga with a rushed ending with it's final arcs, the Asgard War and the Collapse of Bikini Bottom, being rushed following his death in 2018, citing Nickelodeon as a terrible place to work with overworked employees and long work hours. Doctors noticed a torn tendon in his shoulder, severe back pain, carpal tunnel, and other physical ailments, sometimes he’d be bedridden for a week, and rest didn’t seem to break the cycle. The weekly serialization schedule within Nickelodeon (which is very demanding) took a toll on Hillenburg physically and mentally. In 2025, a new director stepped in Hillenburg's place named Enric the Human who came in after being represented by Freakystian, following his death in 2018 with a long history of documented ALS, Adam Sandler and Quan Millz would fill in Hillenburg's spot.
He was also the one to make a whole schizo timeline and overarching plot to the whole series of stories, including the ones that are not meant to be connected with each other into a coherent narrative at all. Inspired after watching a bunch of YouTube videos by The Theorizer.
He had penned characters such as Smokey 2.22, Sky Lark, Ruby Rose (Sky's love interest), Dr. Hämsterviel, The Harlot of the Flies, and Timmy Huckerdoo just to name a few. He was gonna pitch a FB&CC movie to Nickelodeon, but they were not impressed and seeing his comics, quickly cancel the series. His reception is mixed, as Smokey 2.22 was his most popular character by fans. But he was also heavily criticized for Harlot of The Flies, being the most disgusting thing created for FB&CC, if not in all of media, that and how spends too much time going over the history and art of slushies and its importance to men like Chum Chum. Surprisingly he won due to Nickelodeon's own incompetency and kept his creations, however like the FineBros, he failed to copyright the concept of "slushies" in general. He is now writing his own comic, which is pretty much the same shit as before; writing about a knockoff Sky Lark saving the day and the struggling to maintain his marriage with his wife.
After The Arc series were cancelled, he made an arse of himself trying to take the copyright of the various types of slushies and other shit shown in the comic. Surprisingly he won due to Nickelodeon's own incompetency and kept his creations, however like the FineBros, he failed to copyright the concept of "slushies" in general. He is now writing his own comic, which is pretty much the same shit as before; writing about a knockoff Sky Lark named Dexter Fishery saving the day and the struggling to maintain his marriage with his wife. Penders would not actually be the one to conceive Dexter and would only force Monika as his own creation after making a deal with both CommanderNemex and Team Salvato who were important workers for his plans on getting the Masturbation Dairies finished. He would then reveal that he was in reality working for Rooster Teeth and that his protagonists, Team CRDL were what he called fake 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴ers in hopes to demonize 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂𝓑𝓸𝓫 and 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂ism and promote NPCism instead and had ruined the cast flanderizing and ruining them to promote his real protagonists. The writing team at both RoosterTeeth and Team Salvato were horrified what he had done with their characters. Penders would then announce the Masturbation Dairies as his true end project and that he and Game & Watch have taken over an island renaming it Pee Pee Island to forever disrespect the former co-worker Penders ruined to the ground. Penders then unveils a massive torture device called "the Slap" to slap everyone who had ever offended him. Satan is also tortured, but says the slap hits good. Penders then talks more about how much he loves Satan as the public in South Park are shocked. The character Dexter Fishery would later inspire Nintendo to rip Penders off creating the character, Myles MacKenzie, after seeing Penders successfully copy the MCU for his Fanboy & Chum Chum comics.
At some point Penders would finish the Masturbation Dairies, but it would take him several centuries and require other more competent NPC writers to complete the work. Within the lore of the Masturbation Dairies, which would later become a play sometime in the future of the 5700s where Dr. Eggman, self proclaimed "inventor" of soyjaks, as a new user would produce a play with various USERs with Ken Penders at the helm watching the audience praise his NPC AI Slop, as a rip-off artist.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- He is jealous of Chris Chan's meme status.
- In this universe Archie ended much earlier at issue 34 instead of 31 acts of poorly written slop due to SEGA being even more incompetent than our timeline, causing Penders to speedrun his concepts killing Robotnik way earlier in the narrative to do so. As a result of being fired way earlier, Ken Penders is a Nick employee as a result of Archie ending much earlier than our actual reality.
- Despite being an awful writer with an awful history of lawsuits and being difficult to work with, Penders would actually write the Nemex Vision characters better than Nemex can after obtaining ownership of them, but obviously not as well as 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 SUSiety!'s hidden narrative writers backed by Freakystian. This is because Penders would steal the 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 SUSiety!'s ideas for what was once unstructured slop.
- Star Fox: Command shares a similar art-style to Ken Penders, it is rumored that he was involved.
- I hate my child., a SBFW show which aired around the same time as SatAM is Ken Pender's favorite program and was the inspiration for conceiving the Knuckles' father who is widely considered to be an abusive parent.
- His artstyle is more creepier than Angela Anaconda, which says a lot about his artwork.
- While working on the Archie Comics, Ken Penders admitted that he was too much of a boomer for anime and hates the Japanese. He also never played the games his works were based on. Bollers did the same thing, but was more honest and tried to listen to critics to fix his mistakes unlike him.
- Ken Penders is one of the few NPCs to actually hate the NPC Alliance and has to side with them out of necessity.
- One of the few similarities of the Masturbation Dairies and the Freaky Saga is the author's distaste for Archie Comics. In the Freaky Saga every Penders concept is thrown out along with the core narrative, only the popular characters like Scourge are considered to be added as long as the Penderisms within the characters backstory are thrown out. In the Masturbation Dairies everything made by Bollers and Flynn (who is also called a fanfic writer by the Freakers) is thrown out along with the core narrative as Archie is one of the most despised companies in the Freaky Saga Universe.
- In the Freaky Arc, Ken Penders was once detained in North Korea, aka Best Korea.
- Mr. Krab's character arc in an older draft is inspired by both Palpatine and his terrible OC, Locke.
- Ken Penders was almost killed by Kratos before the time-skip and served Zeus as an insignificant pawn, he is now dead and resides in Hell with Satan after the destruction of Earth.
- His art causes Sawyer the Cleaner to have an emotional breakdown, Bikey to vomit, Mulmangcho have Severe PTSD, Hidan to have flashbacks of Envys Death, Bunny the Undertaker think her mask is off and in term her "Ugly" face is showing and Miracle Machine have memories of eating Sauerkraut until he was 26 and a half years old what I'm saying is that his arts so fucking bad it makes everyone have trauma