God

"And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp."

- Numbers 11:1

“

⠀⠀„

— God in The Prince of Egypt (1998)

YHVH, Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Jah, Adonai, Elohim, our LORD, the Creator, the "main man himself", the one true God is the supreme and "only" deity and the overarching protagonist of the Abrahamic trilogy. God is notable as he is the most renowned, loved, beloved, and followed individual of all time; having complete control of approx. 54.6% of all humanity for two whole millenniums straight. Basically, he's old af and has the largest amount of fans worldwide. Although beloved by many, God is the dickhead of all time; showing hatred, spite, and malice towards nearly all life. He has his cosmic stomach churn towards anything fun, and has shown to have a fetish for rape, paedophilia, and incest. He is also a massive hypocrite, especially when his followers came up the Seven Deadly Sins when guiding their life.

God has claimed that he created EVERYTHING, but that has yet to be proven. What is known is that he created lots of things in the world, inspiring man to mathematics, sophisticated musical instruments, weapons of mass destruction, and the industrial age. God is a very jealous being, hating other entities, beings, and or individuals with more power or the potential to become more powerful than him as he is always finding ways to stop them. He shows his benevolent side to those who submit to him without question.

He is such a megalomaniac, his favorite past time is to constantly edit Monsturd's articles to make them less funny, and then protect them from editing, so that his autism would be sated. Anything he finds out of line, such as gay shit, he would always call to action from his followers to fight back the taint and censor it, labeling it part of the pagan woke agenda. If they get too out of hand, he would soon get directly involved with it. He would do everything in his power to suppress the power of other gods.

His favorite compound is sugar.

Biography

The Big Bang

One "day," God got so bored of living in the void with the Annoying Orange's literally and figuratively massive bullshit, that he decided to create the material world, and the concept of time. Right off the bat, this makes him more pathetic than the spooky ghost monsters from Death Note.

Archean Eon

God created the angel Lucifer to help critique him in his conquest of Godhood, so that he won't screw up over his own hubris. However, he became too egotistical and intolerant of Lucifer that he literally demonized him. Lucifer was the strongest, sexless birthed, son of God, who at one point, got tired of God's shit and so, tried to rival him for his position of power, creating the war in heaven, but ultimately failed and was banished into the Shadow Realm. God still owes him the trip to Beetelgeuse to watch Beetlejuice.

God would also create homosexuality out of his emotional breakdown caused by his ex-wife filing for divorce. He quickly soon regretted the creation and would commanded his followers in the far future to also witch-hunt those who would practice that. It wouldn't be until the early 21^st century that he finally owned up to his accident and stopped hating it.

The Abrahamic Trilogy

The Tanakh

Throughout the Old Testament A.K.A. the Hebrew Bible, any mention of worshiping other gods would make God's blood boil from pure anger. There are some hints to tell why he behaves like this. The evidence sums up that his behavior correlates with why Paramount (VIACOM) is the way it is. Both being the runts of the big boys in corporate major television media, and the pantheon of the greater human collective respectively. He is especially outmatched by various characters throughout the Omniverse like The Avogodo, Coconut Fred, WAΓUIGI, The Fish Out of Water Bean Khan, The 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴, DӨƬΛЯ ƧЦЯK, ⠀, etc. Rumors have that he could even be beaten by non-godly entities like Umbrella, Ruthless Boy, Big Nigga, Travis., Shpak Romanov, etc. in a fight.

The Holy Trinity

The Bible

After the events of the old testament, he is shown to mellow down and be less of a dick, showing more of his caring side: taking joy in love and not only for violence + he finally says no to rape and incest; on the surface it seems, either out of pressure or because he finally learned empathy, though his glee for wars is still alive, so it is most likely the former. In truth though, his one and only goal is to have all sapient life love and worship him and kill everything that he hates and/or that hates him.

In c. 4 B.C., he found and met a 14 year old girl by the name of Mary and thought that she was cutest human he ever met which resulted in him impregnating her. This resulted in the creation of his first human son named Jesus. He wanted the 14 year old Mary for all eternity up in his safe space.

Anno Domini

Unfortunately for him, as most relationships go, they got into heated arguments and eventually broke up. Mary would end up becoming the first Skullgirl and Godmother after having an affair with Mr. Bean. God was so pissed he commanded his followers to hunt down anyone that may be a witch and burn them. Many of the witches who descend their teachings created the Nightmare Worlds and the Sides to seek refuge from God's wrath.

Luckily for him, he got to keep his son Jesus, who before the break up, helped to spread the new wave worship of God known as Christianity. It became a more successful movement campaign than Judaism. Spreading globally and dominating the entire world except for Eastern Asia. He also had inadvertently created Islam which he didn't mind.

At some point, God would create schizophrenia as a counterpart to Enrique's autism and give it to many individuals in order to spread his worship even further and give him more power. Earlier before, Donkey Ollie was the first test subject that God gave schizophrenia to.

Relationships

Jesus Christ of Nazareth

Even though Jesus loves his mother and occasionally supports his mum, he is still on God's good side to this day and does his job of spreading fear of the one true god before his death.

Muhammad and Islam

Doesn't mind it. So long as they worship only him. As a matter of fact, he really found Muhammad as a swell guy and enjoys greatly watching his followers kill each other during the Holy Crusades and the current Middle Eastern crisis.

The Buddha

He hates him for having the only none Abrahamic religion to still be alive in great abundance on Earth. God will always make fun of his ear lobes and his weight/eating habits, affecting how he'd be depicted and confused with the Chinese monk Budai.

CrazyBob, GangstaBob, & ChudBob

One of the few sets of people he smiles upon. Especially for their lack of education (Except Chudbob, because he has more education than them, but he is favored instead for holding more rigid ultra conservative values, such as Sharia Law, and slavery.)

Scary Godmother Strict Teacher

Unsurprisingly, he hates her too, as a descendant of his bitch ex-wife. Throwing storms and a thunderbolt or two at her on the few occasions that she travels to the normal/human/mortal world/realm.

Fanboy and Chum Chum

He hates them for being atheist super heroes. Has thrown shit at them to stop them, only to inadvertently make them forces of vigilante justice in New Meridian.

His Chosen Ones (Victims of Schizophrenia)

Donkey Ollie

The first test subject of God's for his new experiment know as schizophrenia. A once loved paladin of God's, similar to Chris-Chan, he would become too delusional for God's own good and would think of himself as the true god which God was angered by such thoughts. He now sees Donkey Ollie as a simple failed first experiment which he doesn't really mind since he always has more people he could use.

Chris-Chan

The messiah he mourns and screams "TRAITOR!!" over the most, as he falsely envisioned him to be the pioneer to Christianize a million dimensions beyond his. But failed to realize that Chris would lose faith in God, in favour of the CPU Goddess; Emanuelle. Now he battles the bewitched Chris hoping to learn how to travel further dimensions to invade and purge the Sides.

Terry A. Davis

God's favorite paladin. He was the man about to single-handedly bring about his millennial kingdom after the rapture. He was deeply hurt and vengeful towards Ruthless Boy and Mr. Bean after the two wasted him.

Vile Enemies and Blasphemous Entities

Boognish

His most hated child. Boognish has started a cult to overthrown him and God has become very pissed at him and more so when Boognish created ADHD, Ween, and emos to combat God's strict grip on the world. God regrets creating this dude.

Coconut Fred

Fucking hates his guts. God Christianized Tak and the Chief of Pupununu as his agents to kill Coconut Fred.

Marlo

His second most hated peer. This conflict is the reason why 90% of people believe eating shit is bad for you. Marlo seeks to overthrow him for control over life and death.

Enrique!

His most HATED peer and the one he loathes the most. God is shown to be reviled when anyone mentions him. As the self-proclaimed "supreme personification of all blasphemy, degeneracy, and villainy," Enrique is the rivaling power who fucks up God's iron grip of law and order placed upon the world, with Enrique additionally giving the animal kingdom the power of free will, miscommunication, and the chances of birth defects. He became even MORE pissed when Enrique created Autism to combat the norm of reality.

Gallery

• 

  One of the most well-known and iconic depictions of God (which was ripped off from Zeus) found within the Bible fan artwork known as The Creation of Adam (Italian: Creazione di Adamo) (c. 1512 A.D.) by Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni.

Trivia

• Despite how critical this page is about him; he is surprisingly one of the least evil gods on this entire wiki.
• The only things he invented that are factually confirmed are angels, homosexuality, and chicken tikka.
• A USER™ from FANDOM wiki by the name of Captain Pingu got mad at this page for speaking Utter Oblivion% facts and tried to censor the page. Captain Pingu has expressed his hatred for porn, especially for BBCs, however this obsessive hate boner may indicate he is a closeted homo.
  • He somehow has a weird obsession looking at articles containing gay porn, sus

External Links

• Main Page — EvilBible.com

Comments

Masterpiece
-- NutCrusher400 (talk) 04:81, 13 February 2024 (EDT)

I wonder if captain pingu is gonna destroy the article again after he woke up.
-- Nacho-dipsauce14 (talk) 12:46, 16 March 2024 (EDT)

Edit: Knew it

-- Nacho-dipsauce14 (talk) 10:32, 17 March 2024 (EDT)