Super Jangle 64

More... MORE! MOAR!!! This article isn't Nikocado Avocado sized enough (Update 2024, that aged like milk). Please add more letters with meaning.

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Ey, Jim? Y'know that game Super Jangle 64? Yeah I reckon it's time that we uhhh talk about it. It is the main subject for this article, anywho.

Wha, Dave? You wan' me to explain all of Super Jangle 64 to ya? Alright then, here goes nothin'.

Err Super Jangle 64 is ermmm... it's uhh, it's a game m'kay? It's uhhhh... it's a game and uhhh not a show or uh movie and uhhhh it's unfinished as fuck so y'all can all just scurry off okei? goon, git, git! GIT MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE A SEMI-AUTOMATIC RIFLE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH

Gameplay

Super Jangle 64 is a role-playing video game that uses a 3D perspective. In the game, the player controls a sad virgin chud who's somehow still better than their canon counterpart and completes objectives in order to progress through the story. Players explore an world filled with towns and disturbed, sociopathic paranoid schizophrenics, and are required to solve numerous puzzles on their journey. The world is the home of NPCs, sex offenders, eldritch Gods, People Who Have No Idea What The Fuck Is Going On, sentient kitchen objects, and self-inserts, many of whom challenge the player in combat; players decide whether to kill, flee from, or kill them. Choices made by the player radically affect the plot and general progression of the game, with the player's morality acting as the cornerstone for the game's development.

Basic summary

In a sleepy and unsuspecting town, an introverted gooner by the name of Jangle's giant hentai shrine mysteriously vanishes in her room at 3 in the morning. Enraged, he goes on an insane mind-blowing, reality-warping quest to retrieve them and find and beat the shit out of culprit, and it eventually leads to her accidentally defeating the C.E.O. of Evil himself without realizing the culprit was there the entire time.

Plot

the main playable virgin.

In the dead of night, the streetlights lit in a silent motion, lays Jangle "Rodrick Heffley" Jangle's house. He is sound asleep when suddenly in one swift motion, his entire hentai shrine mysteriously vanishes in the hands of an unknown thief. Eventually he wakes up, realizes, cries, cums before gaining the strength to step outside for the first time in his incel life to goon the adventure of his lifetime to bring the robber to justice, whoever they fucking are lol. He yanks a lever underneath his bed to fling himself out of his house, which forms a hole on his door, which marks the end of the story shown on the intro and begins the game.

After he experiences shock and hysteria after witnessing the outside for the first time in 12 years, he encounters a friendly turtle fishing on a rock named CECIL TURTLE, who gives him proper advice and instructions to not just him but to the player on how to play the game. After like 2 minutes of convincing tutorial dialogue, he suddenly kicks Jangle in the balls and gives a brief monologue about his "intense, carnal" desire to kill and eat him. Cecil is then just promptly scooted off by a motherly crack addict by the name of Crack Miser, who calls Cecil a "motherfucking cocksucking piece of shit" and takes Jangle to his hideout in Colombia to smoke weed and crack and also to teach the player more about the basic controls of the game.

enemy encounters (horrifically out of order lmao)

• Cecil Turtle (both the first and last boss)
• Rivers Surk
• Dotar Surk
• 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴lin Surk
• ✌☮ 丅卄𝓔 נⒺˢⓣᵉя ☆
• Нет
• Pickle Peen
• Dozaeth
• Postman Pat
• Ka-Chung
• Bean Khan
• A1 Steak Sauce

NPC encounters (as in they're non-playable)

An example of an NPC (non-playable) character in the game.

• ⠀
• Dick Penison
• Oh Brother

enemies that become friendly after you defeat them

• Pinja Norn

Trivia

• Despite the game's name being Super Jangle 64, it is neither a N64 game nor is it remotely like Super Mario 64 lmao
• There's a sex scene where Hiei and Shouko have sex but you have to unlock it by beating the hardest bonus stage in the game, after that you can see them doing it as long as you want. Their 3D Polygons are super smexy. There's also a scene where Jangle fucks a cactus because he thought it was a giant penis