TURDIS
The TURDIS[edit | edit source]
The TURDIS (Trump's Ungodly Rape Device & Interstellar Spacecraft or Time Under Relative Duress Into Shitting) is a spacecraft capable of multi-dimensional travel throughout time, space and those big arse convoluted shopping malls that white women like going to so much. The TURDIS was devolved on the planet Gallifloyd as a means for Donald Trump (Lord President of Gallifloyd) to travel throughout the universe and grab women by the pussy while showering pocket change on poor people of colour. The first incarnation of Dr. Gastronomical stole the TURDIS in the middle of the night from the Lord president to make a midnight trip to Hungry Jacks. However, he became side tracked and forgot to return it.
Specifications and capabilities[edit | edit source]
Build model[edit | edit source]
The TURDIS utilised by the doctor is a type 1984. Unlike it's predecessors, it was capable of flight control via direct plugin of "niggalink ai", quantum-phase vortex balancers and a heated toilet seat equipped with bidet. Whilst a dated model of TURDIS, It is highly sought after by collectors and Japanese business men alike.
Hardware and technical specifications[edit | edit source]
The TURDIS model had a base-plate of pre-fabulated amulite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings were in a direct line with the pentametric fan.The latter consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzelvances, so fitted to the ambifacient lunar waneshaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented. The main winding was of the normal lotus-o-delta type placed in panendermic semi-boloid slots in the stator, every seventh conductor being connected by a non-reversible tremie pipe to the differential girdlespring on the "up" end of the grammeters.
Specs:[edit | edit source]
- External hull: 1.2 x 2 x 3.4m
- Internal control toilet bowl: model 67Z2B with Bidet and adjustable rectal space/time stabilization rod (brass)
- Navigation controls: Manual/automatic (Auto prototype 1.0.2. Interface only available through connection of niggalink ai)
- Weapons systems: NIL with exception of faecal waste defensive tank at lower starboard side
Adventures and encounters[edit | edit source]
The TURDIS was once flipped over when the Doctor landed at Summernats in Canberra, Australia by bogans under the control of the dark lord "Jim Beam". When the doctor had the TURDIS slipped back upright, the internals were covered in vomit, curry, cum and human shit as it was mistakenly used as a toilet by summernat attendees.
The TURDIS once had received major damage from landing at Cocodoggo's house in South Carolina, where a giant gassy horse by the name of Terra, mistook the TURDIS for a small man tied to a pole and she rammed her arse into the vehicle, whilst farting repeatedly to Led Zeppelin blasting through a nearby speaker. The Doctor managed to jumpstart the TURDIS, escaped it and returned it to Gallifloyd for repairs after clearing his name off their shitlist and officially becoming a Funk Giant.
The TURDIS once malfunctioned in a neutronic black hole and opened a rift into Peespace which is not within it's design capabilities. Here an entity known as "The Faggot" latched itself onto the TURDIS feeding off the fecal rays. The Doctor prevented the faggot from damaging the TURDIS power generation systems by doxxing the entity on ExposedFaggots.com thereby forcing it to fall off the TURDIS
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Dr. Gastronomical's TURDIS used to have a functioning Chameleon Circuit (A featured that allowed it to change form according to environment) but it completely burnt away after landing near Engadine McDonalds Sydney due to an internal malfunction. Dr. Gastronomical kept forgetting to fix it.
- Future models of TURDIS removed the niggalink ai navigation feature due to Microsoft no longer supporting the technology in favour of works on project "GANGNAM STYLE". Automatic navigation in future models was replaced with the more reliable and compact "black sun fent ports" which are still used in TURDIS models to the present day.