Phonli Nging
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Phonli Nging is an optional character in Obacchio Bizarre Lucifer: Nobody Was Kung Fu Fighting... Because I Kill Them All 1989!!!! He is a member of the ultradark triad and former champion of Pa Guo Civilization. He also is an avid Huawei Phone.
Early Life
Descendant of the daughter of Thousand Ying Yang Hollow Consciousness Stars Fue Jie of Yellow Crowns that Swallow Moons and Warrior of Celestial Pillars that Perceive Time Han Bo of Triple Double Chungus Deluxe with Extra Haloomi Sheez, Phonli descended from Heavens in a from a kinder surprise century egg on the top of the semi-but-not-really-mythical (just look it up on google I'm sure you'll find it oh wait the great firewall probably blocked it lmaooooo) Mount Baopuzi that stood there for at least three million billion bullion light rears which was named after that stupid prick that thinks he's hot shit and could never touch my GOAT Kongzi. And when the egg cracked and Phongli showed his face to the Heavens and Earth, Heaven smiled and Earth danced gangnam style dance. Long story short, it was bussin.
He was raised in the secret Chi Kun Wing temple that was protected from invading forces by having a huge sign outside that said "If you go to this temple without being an awesome martial arts kung fu master you're in for the beating of you r death and also you probably drink battery acid for a living."
Phonli was taught in the deadliest kung fus that the world has never seen because all the practitioners died because it was so illethal (illegal + lethal). His masters were the legendary marsters Bing Chang, Chang Bing, Di Ya Bo Lou and James Marsters who portrayed all of them in the live action martial arts movie adaptation. He was also taught by the big man himself, Marshall Arthur, often misnomered as the grandfather of Martial Arts because his name sounds like that (in reality he was the temple's janitor (and by "big man" we mean physically big (he died of obesity (it's a huge problem in today's society (Rest in piece))))). Anyway, Phonli Nging killed them all because they turned out to be from a rival clan. But while doing so he electrocuted himself while making a phone call to his friend チャ イニ ス ボブ and thus awakened his stand (the phone had Stand Arrow OS installed) which has the ability to make anyone who eats a chinese MRE die. Millions have died from eating them so far. (he has yet to actually activate the ability)
During his time serving the chinese emperor as the heavenly advisor of wisely wisdom affairs he set out on a quest to prevent the mongols from inventing barbecue because otherwise some idiot would say "but if we don't let the mongols in how else would we experience authentic mongolian barbecue?" that hypothetical idiot was also killed later.
Joining Pa Guo Civilization
In Pa Guo Civilization, no one goes for the egg wo. Phonli however went much higher (so high). he went for the general chicken with rice which comes with egg wo. He challenged all the kung fu noobs and pros and masters and the champion because they looked at him funny when he ate bing chilling and thus were courting death. He unlocked all skills in the Mandate of Heaven skill tree and made the three kingdoms era look like a gay threesome compared to what he did to all the poor bitches he was clappin left and write. He then went home to china because Pa Guo Civilization didn't have wifi anywhere you go.
The Ultradark Triad arc
After going back to china he realised Chin was on his way to kill 1.2 Billion fucking ugly reds. Phonli hated this idea because it would've meant his Zenless Zone Zero account where he maxxed out Grace Howard would be deleted and also he would die ig. So he came up with a master plan. He went to the store and bought a peeled banana without the banana but with the peel and dropped it on the ground where chin was walking, causing him to slip and accidentally star in 49030438583276320213598436049859738172865489205345843058923523905230582395238981728597233479503495403698 Hong Kong martial arts movies, giving Phonli Nging enough time to avoid the massacer. Chin thought he killed all 1.2 Billion fucking ugly reds, but what he didn't know is that Phonli Nging went into the settings and changed his wallpaper from red to blue. They then had an epic battle that took place between "kill" and "1.2 Billion chinese communists" which shattered the heavens and spawned 1.2 more billion chinese communists that were instantly killed because they couldn't detach themselves from earthly desire. After the bite of hong kong 97 incidenti which ended in a millennnia-long stalemate he joined up with Lee Pee Sing and founded the Ultradark Triad. Phonli was the one who set up the initiation test and the merch store while Lee Pee Sing bought fancy cigars that would make him look cool in his wanted poster.