Eric Cartman
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Eric Cartman is approved by Oswaldo T. Floridaman. |
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This article is rated Count von Count. |
"Butters if I were to knock you out and suck your dick for 5 hours straight I would be less gay than you are for playing this fucking game." - Eric Cartman
| Eric Cartman | ||
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Alias(es) |
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000 | |
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Occupation(s) |
Businessman | |
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Friends |
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Affiliation(s) |
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Previous affiliation(s) |
South Park Residences | |
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Enemies |
Kyle Broflovski (Ex-Frienenemy) | |
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Sex |
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Nationality |
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Complexion |
โโ Pale Orange | |
Eric Theodore Cartman, usually referred to as simply Cartman, was one of the four primary characters in the Fanboy and Chum Chum adult spin-off series, South Park, alongside Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Kenny McCormick. After the events of the COVID-19 pandemic of the 2020s, Cartman would find out about his newfound godly powers to try to take down (((them))), who are the unknown entity infamously known for killing Kenny every episode, where he makes a cameo alongside other South Park characters leading to the time skip.
During some point in the future of the early 2020s, Cartman would be reintroduced as an inspiring businessman who converted into Judaism and later would get involved with the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ Society! and become their lawyer anytime they would get in serious legal trouble. He is 436 years old.
Personality
Cartman is described in various terms, in short, he is an evil, vicious, angry, self-absorbed, immature, destructive, sarcastic, snooty, loud-mouthed, lazy, and insane 436 year old man.
Biography
He was born on July 1, 1989 to Liane Cartman, then a notorious whore in South Park, Colorado. Cartman was conceived 7 months earlier when Liane accidentally got pregnant with him after fucking Jack Tenorman, a random ass D*nver Br*ncos player, as part of her job.
3 years later, in December of 1992, Cartman first met Stan, Kyle and Kenny. They all instantly became "friends" but the friendship would inevitably deteriorate over time. It all began when Frosty the Snowman came to life after putting the hat on his head. Frosty quickly turned evil and attacked Cartman, throwing him out into the snow, ending him. Stan called Cartman Kenny for some reason and then Frosty killed the actual Kenny before Nativity Jesus came over and defeated Frosty with his halo. Stan and Kyle then observe that the true meaning of Christmas is about getting presents while reindeer eat Cartman and Kenny's remains. What's notable is that the boys all wear different clothes when they first met, with Cartman and Kenny being the only ones recognizable. Kyle's mom wouldn't buy him his iconic ushanka until 1995.
In 1997, he and the boys all proved the existence of extraterrestrial life after they visited Detroit and probed his ass but the evidence was immediately covered up by Officer Barbrady and the feds.
In 1998, Cartman awakened his Cecil Gene and unknowingly killed his biological father, crushed his remains in a grinder and fed him to his half-brother, Scott Tennorman as chili as revenge to a prank Scott did to him. After Scott went through his epic schizo villain phase and revealed that he killed their dad to him years later, Cartman was shocked and horrified to discover that he is, in fact, half-ginger. What an asshole!
