Baldi Bouapha
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Baldi also known as Baldi Bouapha is the titular antagonist of Baldis Basics in Education and Learning! as well as Dr. Lunatic Supreme With Cheese. He is a male head math teacher with a profound ability to LARP for his love for the subject of math. Baldi had troubles in school, and was once exposed for going on strike in 2011. Baldi, when he was 4, had a massive tumor on his forehead. And as it healed, Baldi's forehead became more shiny as the years went by due to being more than just stupid. He is in actuality, mentally insane and handicapped known for cheating his way to become a teacher because he was too stupid to do anything else.
Baldi luxuriously has 1 singular piece of hair he grew up with since 12. He had pushed GoGoGoGOGOGOGO!!!! Goo out of a bottle on his head in theory to make it feel better and stay. 1 day later he noticed hair loss on his head, which, after the massive scandal, removed his beautiful hair. He then was left with 1 piece of hair, which he had beforehand and also stood up. Baldi befriended his 1 piece of hair, and he has loved it ever since then. Upon entering the age of 16, he got a new ruler. And like his piece of hair, he quickly fell in love with it. He started off as an NPC in his debut being emo and was a background character within the Good Society pre-timeskip introduced as Luigi's even taller half-brother raised by Kario, but at some point he would join the Society Squad and in post-timeskip he would later transform into a very angry individual declaring war on the holidays because Halloween and later Christmas made him mad. His goal is destruction and had even insulted Enrique's holiday. Due to his hatred of the Lords of Childhood, he became a member of the Freaky Society out of spite. However, he didn't just join overnight, as he had a history of killing ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดers in hopes to keep his NPC teaching job prior to joining the Society. He was at one point very ruthless with kids, often being called a "child murderer" doing things that other NPCs and even ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดers look down on. Mr. Game & Watch once considered Baldi to be one of his favorite teachers (perhaps because Mr. Game & Watch likes seeing children get beat by a ruling stick) as Ren and Talking Ben's son until he had discovered that Baldi actually liked furries and was hoarding Cheese Pizza from Pizza Fucker Krabs. This was when Baldi changed in appearance, he gained super strength and mutated as a result of the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ gene awakening inside him.
Biography
Fanboy and Chum Chum: The Masterbation Dairies
Life As An Emo
Baldi is often considered to be a depressed emo teacher trapped in a monotonous routine. Before turning bald, he was often dressed in stylized edgy clothes, hid behind messy bangs, and spent his lunch breaks alone in the teacherโs lounge, sipping cold coffee and sketching song lyrics into his gradebook. Baldi during his early years was disappointed that he didn't have a mustache like his father, Kario, the abusive parent that also "raised" Mario and Luigi, so he wanted to become SMART. So Baldi grew up and became a teacher, but, unfortunately, not a very good teacher as he would barely pass his math classes in collage and simply cheat to pass.
In fact, Baldi is just as stupid as the students he teaches! It's honestly surprising that Baldi never got fired, but when Mr. Game & Watch, a key figure in the NPC Alliance and proud backer of CollegeBoard is (or was) his biggest fan, it is hard to get fired by the school board. Though he genuinely cared about teaching, years of ungrateful students and apathetic colleagues left him withdrawn and pessimistic. To Baldi, math eventually became a metaphor for his own life, an existence full of negative numbers and unsolvable problems. His dreams of playing in a mathโrock band had long been replaced by stacks of ungraded homework, and his rulerโonce a harmless fidget toolโwas just something to tap out the rhythm of his boredom. Baldiโs isolation, combined with his deep selfโdoubt, made him the perfect embodiment of the โsad depressed emo teacher nobody understands."
Over time, though, this quiet despair transformed into the strict, rulerโslapping rage, that we see in the rest of the Masterbation Dairies. Despite this Baldi still hasn't abandoned his sadness, simply choosing to embrace rage, turning his melancholy into obsessive discipline, enforcing math problems with unrelenting fury with pure, weaponized frustration. These were considered the years where Baldi was the most NPC and he was showing up every day to do his job. Deep down he knew he was stuck and depressed, but things were about to change.
Class Warfare
After 2019, Baldi's madness would only grow and grow, eventually leading to him encountering ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ and his ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดtures. Baldi during the early 2020s would march through the crumbling school halls, with a ruler on one hand and a rifle he confiscated from a potential school shooter, a while back. The Freakturesโtwisted, horrific monstrosities aimed by doing freaky crimes 24/7 spawned from FreakyBobโs ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐cootiesโshamble toward the classrooms, but Baldi refuses to let a single student get taken by the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดtures. He drags the kids behind him, muttering equations under his breath like war chants, his empty eyes finally burning with purpose.
Between gunshots and furious ruler slaps, he shouts at the kids to โstay behind the wall and donโt get a single answer wrong!โ His voice, once monotone, now carries a desperate edge of targeting children who get math problems wrong. In the chaos, Baldi becomes an unlikely protector for the NPC Alliance and Good Society, but something ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ is awakening inside him, and Mr. Game & Watch notices first. Each shot he fires echoes like a failed math problem corrected by force, every slammed ruler a declaration of defiance. Baldi, doesn't understand why ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ is attacking his classroom, as he simply wants to keep his job as a Math teacher or at least this was the case as he is going to be mutated.
Mr. Game & Watch noticed as Baldi became obsessed with Cheese Pizza and started to actually target his students. Once he punched down one of his follower workers, a follow worker would be hit. "This is the same punch seen in One-Hit Arthur, these people are being awakened by the disease." said Officer Joe as he fought against the freakers. Baldi was gaining an odd reputation in the office space and he wasn't hiding any of it, he was now known as a notorious Cheese Pizza hoarderโstockpiling enough to turn the teacherโs lounge into a dairy scented vault. He was also grabbing pants, uses hammers to smash balls for the Ball Crushing Factory. Now Baldi uses his greasy stacks as improvised barricades with the students he had captured as he licked his tounge in the name of fhe. He doesnโt care if the figures outside his school mock him calling him a CP hoarder; if a wall of congealed mozzarella is what it takes to hasten and stockpile ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซโs ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดtures, then he will do what ever is necessary to bring ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ's madness.
NPC-๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ War
๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ Initiative
โโ โ Bouapha joins the Freaky Societyโ
— Hello? Fanum there? I will tax you. Stick out that gyat for Freaky Bob and flicker goon mogger mew Are you boxy boo? Ohio sigma tune. W You cannot out rizz the rizzler You think that you're the Jonkler Now that my aura is here You're never gonna get out of here. Haha! Just keep edging! Do you have what it takes for jelqing? While we munt in the backrooms. Oohh... I am mewed... Hmm, you aren't so bad. You are a sigma chad! Hey let's keep edging this meme! Its skibidi! Oh... Ermm.. what the sigma? Now all you gotta do is... Buckle your shoe for the king of Ohio! Just Kidding! Hawk Tuah Time! After all we cant stop the lobotomy An 8 ball of coke cannot rizz the Mr Beast We run away from the Grimace Shake skibidi Gegagedegedagedago, stick out that gyat 'cuz i'm a freak!
When he came back somehow in the 5730s, various heroes were planned to be awakened to fight the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดers, but having been infected most made sure that some were hazardous to the first amendment of the NPC Alliance. Bouapha provided no use, but Wario being clever had a villianous plan to take some of the members the Alliance won't touch. Wario was going to use shell company, Bravo Company to target members of the Agency, the villianous side of NPCs and slowly nudge the fallen heroes towards their awakening. His big objective target was the insane Dr. Lunatic who saught to declare war on evil Stick Figures that solo'd Goku from infected Artverses by locking himself out for eternity in his evil mad lair. Dr. Lunatic was a childhood hero who had fallen to the villianous side of NPCs with a deranged plan to save the world through his mad experiments as a buddy to Stuart BITCHle. To complete his mad plan, he saught to build an army of super zombies to take away people's free will by switching brains with zombie brains. The way he would learn about the mad scientist who was too weak to be recognized as anything other than a NPC, the mad scientist, Dr. Lunatic was back and he had a scheme that involved locking himself up in a prison of his own making known as Dr. Lunatic's Crazy Asylum of Madness. Dr. Lunatic was at it again, this time being even more of a chud with no penis, a second time. Bouapha sought after the 4 Keys of Lunacy in hopes to teach that chud a lesson. Dr. Lunatic has gone beyond just torturing children with his Ghetto Rays, as an exile for the Agency he is now taking the brains out of zombies and putting them into the heads of other zombies to create a race of super zombies within the deranged world he walked in. His plans were considered impractical to the goals of the NPC Alliance, but regardless he would need to be taken down for challenging the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดers. Dr. Lunatic was hunted down by a ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ดer named Happy Stick who had a whole army of ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ goons named Happy Stick Insert Text. Bouapha now known as Bouapha did what he was best known for, DESTRUCTION!
Ruining a Mad Man's Plans to Prep For Doomsday
While finishing to clear out the Crazy Asylum of Madness of the Agency forces, within the site's dimly lit faculty room, he intercepted a strange transmission on an old, dust-covered radio that he later destroyed and threw out. At first, it was only static. Then came the radio voice:
โโ โ Radio Transmission, Halls of Lunacyโ
— THE DIMENSIONAL MERGE HAD CLEANSED THIS WORLD, AND STEP TWO OF THEIR PLAN IS COMING. THE GODS HAVE FAILED HUMANITY. THEIR SOLUTION: OBLITERATION.
The words chilled the mad doctor to his very core, as he was the one to carry out the message to other villains in the Agency. Bouapha then smashed the dreams of a mad man who spent sleepless nights researching the goal of CUMageddon, uncovering a web of occult signals, encrypted coordinates, and hidden doctrines that all pointed to one horrifying conclusion: the Freaky Society were preparing a doomsday ritual to erase all Baryonic Matter from existence. He had been fighting the Agency and Bouapha seeing the world as fake didn't care as was also in another battle to fight against the holidays. With Dr. Lunatic destoryed without effort, Stuart BITCHle wanted back in the Asylum to warn others, however every floor had been vandalized. He made sure to pack up for Doomsday, keeping a large arsenal against the upcoming doomsday event. Dr. Lunatic's warnings were dismissed as โanother one of the mad doctors insane ramblings.โ Even when the sky darkened and the ritual sigils began etching themselves in the clouds, Stuart BITCHle realized there was only one way to survive: escape. Rumors spread of an interstellar evacuation ship, a vessel designed to transport humanity to a โNew Earthโ in a distant star system and Bouapha was going to destory it.
After murdering several followers of the AA๐S, and tasked with killing the pathetic virgin Dr. Lunatic, Bouapha would seek to initially be accepted into society having been brought into the 5730s without explanation. These targets within the gangstas weren't taken seriously and were detrimental to the NPC Alliance. Bouapha sought to be recognized in the new setting but was unsure what was going on. Bouapha would later beat him not with his mighty hammer and ruling stick, but he would work out to be a chad and wipe out every minion he would lay his hands on.
Declaring War On the Holidays
His crusade against Pumpkins and the Lord of Halloween have earned him the title of the "Gourdslayer" and his crusade was going on concurrent to his larger battle against Stuart BITCHIe and his allies. He has blue pants, big eyes, a pointy nose, and a much more hidden mouth. Bouapha generally fights by throwing big red hammers, and obtained his powerful hammer between the timeskip and unintentionally manipulating the fall of the physical form of Thor to obtain his hammer. The haunted battlefields became the stage for a new challengerโBouapha, hammer in hand, eyes unblinking, and driven by his endless vendetta against the pumpkin scourge. When Silas Mann, the Horseless Headless Horsemann, rose to terrorize the Teufort Nine mercenaries once again, Bouapha followed close behindโnot as an ally, but as an unstoppable, hammer-throwing wildcard who cared little for RED or BLU seeking for himself above others.
He stopped caring about the NPC Alliance as Mr. Game & Watch and others would continue to reject him the longer he understood his place in the 5730s as a member infected with freakycooties before the Dimensional Merge. He needed to kick the joy out of others even Enrique's own joy for Halloween which made him very hated on both sides of the war, and the best way to get his revenge was to fight against the Lords of Childhood in order to prevent kids form having time off in hopes to beat them with his rule stick. Bouapha didn't see himself as a villian, but the NPC Alliance saw a monster who was awakened and needed to take him out. With each attack from the NPCs, Bouapha was only becoming more ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐. One by one, more NPCs of the AA๐S fell, not out of cruelty, but out of correction.
Bouapha Targets the Launch Site
Bouapha sprinted to the launch site, ruler in hand, equations scribbled all over his notebookโฆ only to find himself face-to-face with an unexpected gatekeeper, his former biggest fan turned enemy, the teacher who taught Mr. Game & Watch to be a dickhead. Standing at the shipโs entrance was Mr. Game & Watch, flat, unyielding, and utterly unreadable. When Bouapha pleaded his case, Mr. Game & Watch simply flipped his frying pan in silence and held out a sign that said, "NO ENTRY!" Mr. Game & Watch, a being of pure binary judgment, didnโt waver to let him in. The other members of the NPC Alliance simply recounted all the times Bouapha put his interests over others and called him for what he was, a terrorist. With a single dismissive โbeep,โ Mr. Game & Watch flipped the launch lever. The doors sealed. Engines roared. And as the ship ascended into the heavens, Bouapha stood alone, ruler trembling in his hand, luckily, he had seen a vision from Freakystian prior to this and then came to prepare for his final initiation into the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ Galaxy, however, entry and acceptance into the society wasn't going to be easy, but luckily the Society was already ready to complete his conversion. On paper Bouapha's attacks on the Agency were heroic deeds on his side, but in reality he was deep into criminal activity, and Wario was about to announce that Bravo Company had been a front for Warioware Inc. since it was founded, letting Bouapha to learn the hard truth about the NPC-๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ War and all the randos he had killed so far. Bouapha declared war on Baryonic Matter calling it a false existence as a dark matter entity.
The Acceptance into the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ SUSiety!
This realm was no ordinary stretch of space. Planets drifted in non-Euclidean orbits, stars blinked in sync like watchful eyes, and the void was filled with strange cosmic music that sounded like 16-bit school bells. Here, math didnโt work the same wayโit screamed. Every equation Bouapha wrote would twist, warp, and rewrite itself. Still, Bouapha pressed on. For him, this wasnโt just exploration. This was extra credit on a universal scale. On the first inhabited world he discovered, a new planet that he was dropped on to for the spread of dark matter, he would encounter ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ and ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐'s chaos legion that had demons, but not the traditional kind. Despite looking absurd they were more eldritch than the typical demons associated with Satan and Baal who of which he had seen been deployed by the agency. Dark Matter beings of tall eldritch ducks that quacked others into sheer absurd terror. Instead of retaliating, Bouapha simply smiled (or at least gave the impression of a smile, his mouth remained hidden). He slammed his ruler on the ground, producing a thunderous crack that echoed across dimensions, and with a single terrifying equation, he proved their calculations flawed.
With him finally be accepted as an elite member of the Society. For the first time, Bouapha lowered his ruler, not in defeat, but in respect. ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ extended a warped, glitching hand, and Bouapha, with the precision of a perfect equation, accepted it. In that instant, a strange harmony resonated through the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ Galaxy: teacher and Freaks united. From that day forward, Bouapha was no longer an outsider. He was a full-fledged member of ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซโs Society, ready to enforce their single, undeniable law across the stars: "If you want in on the ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ism. Then declare yourself what you wish. There are no rules anywhere. BLACK POWER!" Bouapha then sent all the Cheese Pizza he collected finding out that he had been taking CP and pants he grabbed straight from Pizza Fucker Krabs the whole time. Bouapha then shook hands with Pizza Fucker Krabs' greasy cheese pizza hands, and he laughed at Bouapha to cheer him on saying, "So, you must Fuck Pizzas! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!" ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ and ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ had once considered him a pest and in some ways they still do, but with an army of deranged ducks, Bouapha was ready to accept the new version of Discordianism called ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ism and continue to help dethrone Cosmic NPCs. Some say the sound of his ruler striking echoed so loudly that it was heard in the Neo-Satanistsโ inner sanctum. Others claim that in the aftermath, Bouapha wrote an entire proof in blood-red chalk across the stars, "NO MISTAKES. NO ESCAPE!"
Personality
Baldi is a friendly and organized math teacher. At first. After somebody answers a question wrong during his Math Class, he will proceed to beat them up with his ruler. Upon entering the age of 16, he got a new ruler. And like his piece of hair, he quickly fell in love with it and his piece of hair using its hair loss offensive powers. Baldi starting off as an emo is a strict and highly disciplined individual who hides his deep-seated melancholy behind an obsessive focus on rules and order. Though he was once quiet and withdrawn, his personality has hardened into an intense, almost unrelenting drive for control. He enforces his standards with an iron will, wielding his ruler not just as a teaching tool but as an extension of his authority, punishing mistakes with an unnerving mix of precision and frustration. Despite this, there are traces of his old, gloomy nature in his demeanor, reflected in his dry tone and an underlying sense of dissatisfaction.
Beneath his harsh exterior, Baldiโs behavior is rooted in a strange combination of bitterness and determination. He is methodical, organized, and unwilling to tolerate disorder, often approaching every situation as though it were another math problem to be solved. His interactions are defined by a lack of warmth, favoring blunt corrections over comfort, and his obsessive tendencies make him both highly reliable and intimidating. While his rage may dominate his outward personality, it is fueled by a lingering sadness that he has redirected into strict enforcement and rigid control.
Despite his grim nature, Baldi is not entirely devoid of passion. He clings to peculiar habits, such as his love for cheese pizza, which reveal a strange, almost comical side beneath his otherwise severe personality. This small eccentricity highlights the contrast within himโa figure both disciplined and oddly human in his quirks. Though cold and relentless in his methods, Baldiโs behavior reflects a man who has turned his discontent into a relentless, if eccentric, pursuit of order.
Baldi's love for Cheese Pizza
Baldiโs love for Pizza Fucker Krabsโs cheese pizzas comes from their simplicity and reliability, which appeal to his obsessive, math-driven personality. To him, every pizza is a perfect formulaโcrust, sauce, and cheese in flawless proportionโoffering comfort and control in a world that constantly frustrates him. Their excessive greasiness and over-the-top nature resonate with his own extreme tendencies, turning a simple food into a strange source of emotional stability.
Over time, this attachment has grown into something almost symbolic. Baldi hoards the pizzas not only as comfort food but as tools of survival and defiance, treating them as immovable walls of greasy order in the face of chaos. In his mind, Pizza Fucker Krabsโs cheese pizzas arenโt just a mealโthey are proof that even in a life full of failed equations and ungrateful students, one constant, perfect solution will always exist.
Appearance
Baldi appears to have a head shaped like a Maraca. He has a green Long-sleeved shirt with blue jeans and brown shoes. Baldi has a very long nose. His eyes are very wide and it appears he uses Lipstick. Baldi is bald and currently wears a green shirt with a pumpkin and the "no" symbol on it (a red circle with a line through it) symbolizing his hatred against the Lords of Childhood. In Dr. Lunatic, the more Hammer Ups he picks up, the more hammers he throws at one time. He can also throw them faster by picking up Pants of Power, make them bounce off solid objects with Sproingy Springs, and throw hammers backwards and forwards with Reverse Hammers!
Trivia
- He is a supporter of the ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ society
- He is best friends with Jonkler
- His arch nemesis in Dr. Lunatic is Dr. Lunatic, a living virgin with no penis that doesn't stand a chance.
- He's a Tumblr Sexyman, like Starlo.
- He is a former member of the Society Squad.