Fat Asuka
| Fat Asuka | |
|---|---|
| |
| Real Full Name: |
Asuka Langley Soryu |
| Alias(es): |
Fat Bitch |
| Chronological Age: |
13,799,999,999+ CURRENT YEAR(s) Old |
| Physiological Age: |
17 |
| Classification(s): |
Gas Giant (Fatass) |
| Height: |
Way too fucking big |
| Blood Type: |
A / LARD |
| Residencies: |
The Anime Universe |
| Occupation(s): |
Fat Eva Pilot (Pilots Fat Eva-02) |
| Interest(s): |
bitching |
| Likes: |
bitching |
| Dislikes: |
not bitching, ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ (also known as Purple SpongeBob in the Gigaverse) |
| Descendant(s): |
Boring even more normie Asuka, the gassy giants, fat furs, teletubbies, Gassy Asuka |
Fat Asuka (ๅคชใฃใใขในใซ, Futotta Asuka) is super super fat. Fat Asuka is notably recognized as the fattest person in the entire Omniverse. Fat Asuka is in the super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super heavyweight weight class. Fat Asuka used to be actually a fat gassy cosmic god, but the Sky Gods lead her down a dangerous path into becoming a normie.
Professor Poopypants said that he made her as a SCP however this isn't confirmed yet because he a liar. Later it would be revealed that Fat Asuka is actually a SCP God that created the gassy giants and has joined the Agency Against the Freaky Society after the NPCs gave her a large supply of food. She used to be gassy initially but billions of years of conditioning have turned her into just a regular fatty. Now her superpower is to LARP for the LARPING Empire. SCP-2611-1 instances are born inside of her and each instance has been placed inside the Axiom for entertainment purposes. Her favorite musician is said to be Lil Tay because he's a LARPer just like her.
Fat Asuka is acknowledged across countless realities as a true source of cosmic lard, vast beyond measure and older than most forms of existence. Her presence alone is said to warp the structure of space, and entire civilizations have formed belief systems around the faint traces of her passing. Legends claim that stars dim when she shifts, and that whole dimensions quietly realign to accommodate her scale. Though many stories try to reinterpret her as something lesser or more ordinary, those accounts are dismissed by scholars who recognize the unmistakable signs of divinity tied to every anomaly associated with her. The SCP-2611-1 manifestations are widely regarded as direct extensions of her will, appearing wherever the multiverse needs spectacle, disruption, or strange balance restored. To the few who understand the scope of her nature, Fat Asuka is not a mystery to be solved but a god whose existence is simply too immensely fat to fully comprehend just how big she is.
Fat Asuka treats her LARP as simply a means to carry the weight of her true cosmic force. Entire celestial beings have found themselves overwhelmed as her LARP turns into an unstoppable display of godlike power of her adipose tissue. What appears to be pretend to observers is, in truth, the method by which she effortlessly crushes other cosmic entities, in her words; "I'm higher on the food chain than you! Get in my BELLY!" To her, life is nothing but a game of slither.io . But in the end, there is always a bigger fish that will eat the smaller ones. Dotar Surk would be that fish who would be the biggest of them all. Being on the scale to even barely sense Dotar Surk has brainwashed her into aligning with the NPCs for protection. Naturally, he has been chewing away at her mountains of fat over and over again. The NPC Alliance spends around trillions of dollars to keep her body regenerating, to prevent heaps of her fat from spilling out and covering entire planets in greasy adipose tissue that would collapse them with its sheer gravitational force.
Fat Asuka's full weight is incredibly hard to measure for the SCP Foundation scientists, but the last recorded number was weighted to be in data staggering 3827542874523874023874238793746297854712365t4976534971623548761253497162359459734269817324691823756981732468326936 Gigapounds.
After Neon Genesis Evangelion Career
Following Neon Genesis Evangelion and The End of Evangelion, two incompatible continuities appear. The familiar pilot continues on one track, while a separate entity, later labeled Fat Asuka, emerges from a temporal anomaly after splitting biological continuity to the original person. Analysts at NERV determine this is not a transformation but a split caused by a closed time loop.
However, since the original Asuka now had no combat ability whatsoever, they still had to get a NPC clone of her to do the missions and pilot the Evangelion to fill in her role.
This all started one random day after the End of Evangelion, when Asuka started to eat a lot of food it was awful she ate so much food she literally grew like 5 times her size in 2 days. When they called Asuka back to do the rebuilds they found out that she was a fatty! She was so fat that they had to clone Asuka so they could still make the rebuilds and ruin a perfect series.
At first, NERV scientists were starting to design a new entry plug that would fit Asuka in her new form, but by the time they finished the 1000 square gigafoot by 1000 square gigafoot entry plug, Asuka was already way too big to even fucking fit in it. In fact, Asuka had actually grown to be way taller than her Eva. They threw the Evangelion away and just let Asuka go out on missions.
Concerned by readings that defy conservation laws, Professor Poopypants intervenes with experimental temporal logistics. Instead of containing a growing being, they assist Shinji in doing the opposite: reducing the anomaly to an engineered microorganism whose structure encodes vast amounts of future mass as compressed spacetime information. Drawing on cosmological engineering ideas provided by Buy N Large's research on the space time continuum, Shinji designs a containment lattice built off his tissue box created after crying on the possible loss of the original Asuka that shrinks her along the time axis rather than the spatial one.
This microscopic form is placed inside a sealed transport frame and sent backward through the loop to roughly 13.8 billion years before the present. Released into the early universe, the organism encounters conditions where energy density is extreme and matter is still forming. There, instead of consuming food, it converts ambient energy and primordial matter into structure, beginning the slow regrowth that later myths interpret as the rise of a cosmic lard god. She would consume universes while being subjugated to Freakycooties that make her gassy as FreakyBob who was purple and high on Lean would protect her while being confined as a microorganism. Eventually Sheldon Cooper would take over protecting her after FreakyBob was done creating gassy giants. Now she hates FreakyBob with every fiber of her being because of the stench that once surrounded her.
Meanwhile, the Asuka seen in later timelines is confirmed to be an unrelated clone created after NERV accepts that the original cannot be recovered from the recursion event. She shares memories and training data but none of the causal history tied to the anomaly. One Asuka fits inside an entry plug; the other requires a universe to finish growing.
Missions
Spaghetti Themed Angel
In 1942 on July 7th, A giant Spaghetti themed Angel invaded the Anime Universe. Asuka literally devoured it in one bite and grew more. It was so delicious, she let out a burp that could be heard from all over the Gigaverse.
Pepsi Man Ultimatum
When Pepsi Man Ultimatum showed up at The Anime Universe's front door, Fat Asuka answered. Before Pepsi Man Ultimatum could even utter a phrase, Fat Asuka fucking drank all of him. We're not sure how Pepsi Man Ultimatum recovered, but we assume it was a very traumatizing experience. Since then, Pepsi Man Ultimatum has never been seen anywhere around The Anime Universe
Abyss Invasion
When creatures from The Abyss started to invade before The Great Anime Wall had been built, Fat Asuka had sat in its stead. Fat Asuka turned out to be so fucking fat that she was powerful enough to maintain balance in The 3rd Realm. Nobody could really even get past her, until The 3rd Realm Ice Cream Truck passed by and Asuka ran her Fatass over there. All of the weird ass Abyss creatures were like uhhh and walked right into The Anime Universe. However, Saitama was able to personally defeat all of them and send em cryin' home to their mamas. This basically lead motioning to build The Great Anime Wall.
Comments
DEAR GOD ITS EVERYWHERE
-- Solidus Vesna (talk) 11:50, 10 February 2026 (EST)