Shames
| “ | HEY WARIO, YOU'RE FAT, UGLY, AND HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A DEFLATED BEACH BALL. STOP EATING ONIONS LIKE THEY’RE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT VEGETABLES AND LEARN TO ROUNDHOUSE KICK LIKE A REAL MAN. BECOME A STRONG BADASS LIKE ME, YOU FAT GAGGOT!!!! | ” |
-Chuck Norris about to roundhouse kick Wario prior to his ultimate revenge scheme | ||
| “ | I hate furries. I hate gamers. I hate your happiness. The only acceptable game is me slapping others with a frying pan 12 times a second. | ” |
-Mr. Game & Watch shaming gamers | ||
| “ | Why call games, shames, WAAAAAA!!! That's unfunny and lame, FU Norris for ruining Nintendo | ” |
-Wario going WAAAA on the UnAnything Team | ||
Shames are video games produced in the UnWorld, typically known for actively discouraging fun. When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Nintendo with such intensity as to reshape the timeline, the gaming industry was forever altered — not to be better, but to become more profitable to him in particular. Originally, shames were just typical video games. But after the legendary time-skip, they transformed into tools of psychological warfare — games so dull, broken, or morally bankrupt that they cause players to never want to touch a console again.
With Norris' roundhouse kicks and disregard for fun through internet censorship, these gaming atrocities are what you get when you fuse a cursed ShameCube Disk with the creative brains of angry, fun-hating cryptids like Captain 1. Designed with psychological black sorcery and predatory monetization, these games don’t just kill your time—they feast on your sanity. While "shamed" players rot in digital despair, the shame-makers laugh all the way to the UnBank, stuffing their pockets with your money from subscription creep to fuel their spyware, sentient spyware and inexplicable hatred of compact disks. And thanks to the modern human’s low resistance to flashing Porygon lights and fake achievement sounds, falling under their spell is practically guaranteed. In fact, if you’ve played anything this week... it might already be too late as you might already have become an UnGamer.
In this altered timeline, Nintendo completely abandoned every beloved Nintendo franchise. Even Mr. Game & Watch was left in the digital dust. Not that he minded — this was all part of his ultimate revenge against fun itself, as the real world Nintendo was already neglectful of IPs. While Nintendo in the real world is known for magical adventures, family fun, and colorful mascots who teach kids about friendship and tax evasion (looking at you, Yoshi), UnAnything took that same energy, microwaved it for 666 minutes, and fed it to kids in hopes of turning them into literal drones (the kind with propellers that fly).
How Shames Are Made[edit | edit source]
Creating a shame is simply the art of becoming a "shame developer", one that unfolds through a series of maliciously creative steps. It begins by corrupting an existing franchise—taking a beloved property like Pokémon, Zelda, or Mario and dismantling it from the inside, using NPC logic to do so. Beloved characters are replaced with AI-generated slop, while the inventory menu are filled with UnAds that crash the game on command. Next comes the injection of microtransactions directly into the plot, climbing a ladder costs $3.99, pausing the game requires a paid subscription, and even blinking is monetized at $0.99 per eye. Then, using some kind of reverse-psychological sorcery, Chuck then manipulates fan culture by making the game so aggressively broken and hateful that ironic defenders rush to its side, being forced to use their nostalgia for the good old days to generate profit from collective suffering, having known no other shames besides those of Norris (because everything else is actually a game instead). Finally, the abomination is "exported" onto Witch cartridges containing not games but instead forbidden curses encoded in COMPLICATED (or Evil BASIC). Once loaded, they crash systems, throw bricks at the player, and summon WaTrolls (themselves a clever ploy to denigrate the Wario Bros) to play G-Major versions of I am very glad, because I'm finally returning back home and spam WaTrollfaces across the screen showing you that you got scammed.
Somewhere in space, quite possibly in Undefeatable Palace, is the UnUniverse's largest Shame production facility by far, consisting of at least one entire pocket dimension, heretofore dubbed a plutocosm. Here, shames are mass-manufactured by sleep-deprived interns and underpaid developers. Overseen by Captain 1 and Mr. Game & Watch who is his prime universe counterpart, these guys use the screams of banned speedrunners and MLG gamers that once cared about games to work in the factory and feel shame. Assets are ripped from underpaid interns who sign up for the company culture and then get "put on vacation" the next week. QA testing is performed by a blindfolded Toad with a Ouija board. The break room contains nothing but a broken gacha machine and a cursed vending machine that only dispenses overpriced snacks. Every console loaded into a shaming console emits toxic fog, the aforementioned WaTrollfaces, and a Terms of Service agreement that takes more than four hours to scroll through.
Chuck Norris's Nintendo Blunders[edit | edit source]
- Wii Music
- Wii Norris
- Wii Suck
- Wii Die Playing This Shitty Shame
- Paper Mario: Sticker Star
- Arby's Simulator
- Kirby Does His Taxes
SOMEHOW ACTUALLY FUN????? Shames[edit | edit source]
Wario and Waluigi would go on to make several shames to piss off Chuck Norris, launching an all-out assault on the UnAnything Team’s sensibilities by mass-producing these flaming dumpster fires of entertainment within the UnUniverse, but despite this, Wario and Waluigi would carefully handcraft a few hidden gems within UnWorld. Waluigi in fact makes the worst shames of them all while Wario's shames are hit and miss, but mostly miss, any good shames from them are accidents from their Warioware and WickedWare "slaves."
Yoshi Commits Tax Fraud[edit | edit source]
Why suck the interests of the IRS, those grey-suited loot goblins of the real world, when you can rebel and be a true villain? Doing your taxes is boring and are simply a means by Chuck Norris to get your money. Don't be like Kirby (whose IP was stolen for Kirby Does His Taxes anyway) always floating around with a blank stare, inhaling capitalism and spitting out compliance. Be like Yoshi, a tax-evading legend who carries IRS war crimes on his back and still never gets caught. Yoshi didn’t fill out Form 1099-B — he burned it and rode off on a motorcycle that he bought from WarioWare Inc using all the excess money he saved by not getting caught.
HaloBob GunPants[edit | edit source]
Wario would, later on, enact an unironic heroic deed unintentionally - he resurrected dead franchises by Frankensteining them together into a caffeine-fueled chimera known only as HaloBob GunPants. The game starred SpongeBob as “Master Bob,” armed with a bubble sniper and pants that screamed every time you jumped. Set in a post-apocalyptic Bikini Bottom overrun by zombie jellyfish where it was also Step on Everyone's Foot Day and even Hell itself, players fought for XP, truth, and the last Krabby Patty on Earth. Ironically, some of the games (we don't talk about HBGP5: Wa) were kind of good. This enraged Ducky-Waluigi, who launched a smear campaign accusing Wario of "accidental competence."