Chiaotzu
| Chiaotzu | |
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| Musical Theme: |
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"My shitty offspring, no pun intended." - Boognish
"It's a Small World, afterall"
"The one who controls South Africa, controls the world."
Chiaotzu, also known as the Former Emperor of South Africa, is an NPC and member of the Agency Against the ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ Society, his goal is to kill Bean Khan, ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐๐๐ธ๐ซ, Enrique, Boognish, ๐๐ช-๐๐ฑ๐พ๐ท๐ฐ, and many more. He is best bluddies with Awesome Fucking Tien and gets jealous everytime he hangs out wth his other best bro, Yamcha. This guy is tuff, he solo'd Thragg in a heated battle and wears his skin on his shoulder to detail how he means business. Don't let his small and innocent demeanor fool you, this guy is a menace and has psychokinetic powers that can make your brain think of so many Tom Pearl shenanigans that your brain will explode."I swear that bitchass Bean Khan and his little puppets are weak compared to me, i would rule his own empire and be more competent."
He was born from Boognish, as Boognish visited Sherk's swamp and had to take a shit. He wanted to do it near the river since his outhouse fucking sucked. He then shitted one Boognish baby and Boognish feared the worse so he beated the baby up severely and shipped the baby in the river which then went into another river that turned all the frogs Gay. He spent years in the river until Tien picked him up and gave him a name. Tien decided to train Chiaotzu in Martial arts type shit. Insert many training arcs there and there and there and there, this was when Chiaotzu was ready to become a NPC himself and become a terminally online lad when Tien gave him a IPad. This is where the IPad influenced him and made him go on Tom Pearl's eating shit content which made him sacred for life.
This is where Chiaotzu would then decide to coup the South African government with ease and become Emperor there, first he made the laws of executing anyone that thinks Coke is better than Pepsi and hired Pepsiman as his local bodyguard. He then hired the Mexican Cartel to mess in South Africa and basically do anything around the streets. He then also made Elon Musk return and absorb every single water supply in the region for his stuff idk but it apparently made Chiaotzu very rich. He then made Tien kick the shit out of any politicians in the country and then planned an attack on the entirety of Africa to rename the continent into: Africatzu. Unfortunately he was kicked out by literally the entire population as him and Tien fled to somewhere idk.
Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament
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Ha ha ha... For those of you who don't get the joke: |
Chiaotzu is a Yu-Gi-Oh master and can use the cards to do some major plays. He entered the tournament with his fellow friend George Cooper whom is Sheldon Cooper's father and together they would play the games. The tournament was hosted in the middle of nowhere with a Dollar Store and the Big Skyscraper for Yu-Gi-Oh Matches. Chiaotzu didn't invite Tien because Tien does not know how to play Yu-Gi-Oh unlike George Cooper. Also many chose to be alone unlike the optional two where Chiaotzu or George Cooper takes turns.
PS: Barf Bag does not know jackshit about Yu-Gi-Oh, he only made this to be a sperg.
First Round - 360 - Nappa Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
This match was so one-sided, Chiaotzu obliterated Nappa, more explosive than what he did in the canon battle between him and Nappa. He used his trap card and won so easily.
Second Round - 180 - Kazuma Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
George Cooper only defeated this cunt in 5 turns, much easier than the last battle with Chaotzu and Nappa. This is like playing against a toddler in Yu-Gi-Oh, how did Kazuma win the first match, who fucking knows but he sure does not belong in this tournament that's for sure.
Third Round - 90 - Monika Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
Chiaotzu simply distracted her with all the questions on how Ken Penders is terrible and she got way to mad so Chiaotzu can win easily as she screamed that he cheated. George Cooper was about to go in there and turn her into brisket but Chiaotzu told him no as that would make them get disqualified.
Fourth Round - 45 - Astolfo Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
George Cooper kept making fun of this femboy as he used his cards right but this fucking femboy was doing better and almost got him but realized he can go to the directors and say he lied about his age being female and they would check and get him disqualified. George Cooper used his brains to get this bitch out as Chiaotzu was stunned but liked his plan succeeding.
Also this is where it get adjusted for the count for 32 as 13 would get only 500 dollars which yeah i guess that works but not this duo. Some people that lost would be back right in except for Astolfo ahahhaahhaha.
Fifth Round - 32 - Jotaro Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
Jotaro actually is pretty good at this, too bad George Cooper ruined his day through his Droll And Lockbird and Herald of the Orange Light hand traps as that made Jotaro end his turn boardless with no counters or comebacks in his hand. RIP Jotaro, you would've actually gone way farther if the draw of the cards didn't side with George Cooper.
Sixth Round - 16 - Wiz and Boomstick Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
This one was actually tense, now it can be a duo match. They all fought hard but then you realize something, those two are good at analyzing matches as Chiaotzu kept asking them about how he would match up against Goku, they kept saying no until sighing saying complex stuff that Chiaotzu would not know, same motherfucker that does not know basic math, and Chiaotzu did the ultimate move by using their distraction and defeating them in a total blast from one card. Now they can compete in the quarterfinals.
Seventh Round - 8 - Heine and Raphtalia Vs Chiaotzu and George Cooper
"These whores must PERISH!" - Chiaotzu
Duelists, prepare to battle!"mmmmmmmmm....brisket......." - George Cooper
[Cheering]
Breathe, George!
We can do this!
The rules for this tag team duel
Are really quite simple.
There is no sharing of strategy.
No sharing of advice and no sharing
Of any card that is not yet in play.
But you may use what's on your partner's field.
Understood? All Bitches: yeah!
Then duel!
Get your games on!
Here goes! Ha!
First I'm gonna summon,
Gyroid in attack mode!
You must be joking!
I am surprised that thing even has an attack mode!
This on the other hand...jirai gumo!
What, an overgrown bug?
My Deck is more fucking stronger
Elemental hero burstinatrix--
Defense mode!
Yaah!
The best defense, you fool...
Is a strong offense!
Kaiser seahorse-- attack mode!
[Growls]
[Thinking] alright, if I know dueling
Like I think I know dueling,
These guys are sure to attack next.
I choose to play a spell card from my hand!
Tribute doll!
To activate it I must sacrifice one monster
From our side of the field.
Good thing Raphtalia is so generous with her's.
Farewell, jirai gumo.
[Screeches]
Now I am allowed to summon a level monster this turn!
And I choose to summon...kazejin!
[Grunting]
She sacrificed her partner's monster to summon a better one
For the team-- now that's tag dueling.
Would you mind trying not to sound
Quite so impressed with them?
Do you two actually think you know anything of this game?
You're whores, you're jokes!
In other words you're on OnlyFans!
And if they think this is starting to get grueling...
Wait 'til I draw and give them a true schooling!
I play dark designator!
This powerful spell card allows me
To call out any monster
That I can think of...
And if it's anywhere in my partner's deck,
It's added immediately to his hand.
Now let me see here... Sanga of the thunder?!
Ha ha ha! What do you know!
It's right here ready to tear them asunder!
[Thinking] you gotta be kidding me.
Another level seven monster?!
The duel's just started...
And yet it is almost done!
For your demise has already begun!
[Gasps]
Don't worry, George!
They're only sayin' that
Cuz it makes for an easy rhyme!
[Thinking] now, I just hope we don't make
For an easy match!
Chiaotzu, thinking: ok, monster roll call.
I got my burstinatrix chillin' in defense mode,
And George got...
Well, he's got his little helicopter thing.
Not bad, but not good when we're starin' down
At some serious opposition...
Including some level green thing
I've never seen before!
Whadaya think, Chiaotzu? If we just quit right now,
We'll have some extra time to pack up all of our stuff,
So, uh...shall we?
The only thing we're packin'
Is some serious duelin' punch!
I'm tellin' ya, we'll beat these guys, George!
You know what, Chiaotzu? You're right!
[Thinking] we are we are packing some serious dueling punch!
Not only am I gonna show the bitches something fun,
But I'm gonna show my partner as well!
And I'm gonna do it right here,
Right now on this turn!
All aboard! Ha!
I summon steamroid in attack mode!
And I also play this!
Polymerization!
Check it out!
I'm taking my gyroid and steamroid
And fusing them together
To create the ultimate engine that could...
Steam gyroid!
Now, that's locomotion!
See, you guys made a mistake in all that teamwork!
When you sacrificed jirai gumo,
You left your partner completely defenseless,
Leaving the door wide open for an attack!
Uh, George?
And now I'm coming in!
Steam gyroid, attack para!
Huh? An attack?!
Got that right!
Ha ha ha!
[Chuckling]
If you please, my kawaii friend.
It'd be my pleasure.
Stupid card, defend with squall barricade.
Huh?
Our monster's special ability.
It reduces your damage to zero without even a fight!
So I fucked up?
Heh heh heh.
Do these two actually think they have a chance
Of beating Heine and Raphtalia?
They are bitches who are so stupid, they can't even win a single match without cheating.
Now they have even me doing it!
Hoo hoo ha ha!
Forget it, George. No biggie.
Yeah, right.
Hey, I'm serious, pal!
Just keep goin'!
All righty, then...
I play one card facedown and end my turn.
At last, a smart move! My draw!
I play monster reborn!
And bring back the frightful...jirai gumo!
[Roars]
And I'll also activate another spell card!
Tribute doll!
Not again!
Yes, again, and again I will use it to sacrifice jirai
So that I can summon yet another level monster--
Suijin!
[Gasp]
Hmm...
And I am not done yet.
Give me the card pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!
Please, that's why he's there!
I sacrifice kaiser seahorse!
In case you did not know,
When you are summoning a light attribute monster,
Kaiser seahorse's sacrifice counts as two instead of one,
Which means I am now able to summon sanga of the thunder!
[Gasp]
Now I'd place those odds at to .
What are the odds of you being quiet?
Uh.....
Heine: I know what, Raphtalia, when they come together!
Prepare yourselves!
I sacrifice suijin, kazejin, and sanga of the thunder
So that I can now summon the ultimate monster--
Gate guardian!
Gate guardian?!
He's gi-normous!
Just wait until you see his attack!
Go! Destroy steam gyroid!
Tidal surge attack!
Aah!
This isn't a duel.
It's target practice for us.
And George's the bull's-eye.
He's just made a few bad moves, that's all.
He'll turn things around.
At least, I hope he does.
Chiaotzu's good, but he's not good enough
To win this thing by himself.
I know--it hurts!
And the bad news is it only gets worse!
If it gets as bad as this rhyming,
Then we'll be in serious trouble.
[Thinking] these two are dueling perfectly!
They know just what to do and are doing it!
After all, in a tag duel, once you destroy the weakest link,
The whole chain comes crumbling apart!
And they've certainly found just that.
Little George. Poor little George!
He would be the weakest link who's a fucking fatass.
Heh heh heh.
[Thinking] aw, man.
I hope Chiaotzu's got somethin' special in that deck 'a his,
Or this match is over
And so are our lives at the academy!
Well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!
Let's take this thing down!
Para: I can't wait to see you try,
So I will end my turn with a facedown card.
Then it's time to go to work!
Here goes...
Sweet!
Hmm.
All right, you're gettin' called up, big guy!
First, I'm gonna summon the elemental hero--clayman!
And next, I play polymerization.
Ha!
Now I'll fuse the clayman and burstinatrix
To create the elemental hero--
Rampart blaster!
He's bad!
Yeah, he's bad, but not as bad as that gate guardian!
He only has , defense points!
That guardian's attack points are ,!
Blaster will get blasted!
Don't sweat it. That's what his special ability is for, George.
See, when he's in defense mode,
The rampart blaster can attack an opponent directly!
Our life points!
Now go, rampart blaster!
Blast 'em with rampart barrage!
Aah!
Sure, it's only half the points you'd normally lose,
But hey, it's a special effect.
Whadaya gonna do?
A lucky move.
All right! We're back in this thing!
George! We were never out of it!
[Thinking] yeah! Chiaotzu's right.
We can win this!
It's my draw now!
I'm activating the equip spell card's fairy meteor crush,
And I'm equipping it to the gate guardian!
Now when the guardian attacks a monster in defense mode,
The difference between his attack points
And your monster's defense points
Are dealt straight to your life points!
Not so fast!
You're forgetting that I have a facedown card out!
I'm activating mystical space typhoon!
It destroys one spell or trap card,
And I'm gonna use it on the one that you just played--
Fairy meteor crush!
Right into my trap!
I activate judgment of anubis!
Huh?
Foolish cunt.
This lets me stop your little spell
Simply by discarding one card.
Your typhoon has just been downgraded
To a cool summer breeze.
Observe!
But wait!
That's not all it does.
Anubis also destroys one of your creatures.
Raphtalia: and then its attack points are dealt back to you.
Pretty cool special feature!
Hmm.
I know it feels like we have your backs to the wall,
But in fact, the wall's right in front of you!
I play this to end my turn!
It's called defense wall,
And as long as it's on the field in defense mode,
All the monsters you have can only attack him!
The gate guardian on offense and that wall on defense?
Almost flawless.
I get it!
Now are you going to be quiet, or should I move?
It's your turn. What are you waiting for?
Uh, to be honest, a miracle.
Uh...
I summon cycroid...
In, uh, defense mode!
[Thinking] aw, Chiaotzu's looking at me.
I can feel it.
I know it was a weak monster,
But it was the best I could do.
You summon a bike?! Ha!
Well, it's in for a major flat!
Gate guardian!
Tidal surge attack!
And don't forget the effects of the fairy meteor crash I have him equipped for.
Uhh! Aah!
The difference between my attack points
And your defense points you take as damage!
Ohh!
Uhh!
Your life points are falling!
Your game play's appalling!
Both: there is nothing to be done except give up
[Laughing]
That was the match and they both won lmao.....
