Ivan Čulina
| Ivan Čulina | ||
|---|---|---|
| ||
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Alias(es) |
E-Van | |
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Species |
pencil case | |
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Sex |
Croatian | |
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Date of Birth |
years ago (allegedly) | |
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Nationality |
Mustache | |
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Relative(s) |
-Dr. Dr. Dr. Danijel (brother) | |
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Residence |
E | |
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Actor |
Marinette Dupain-Cheng | |
Ivan Čulina (also known as Ivan or short: Ivan) is a non-female of croation origin (in case you have never heard of this country before, I didn't either)
He is currently one of the main suspects in the murder case of Peppa's brother George Pig. George used to live in the same building as Ivan. On June 26, 2023 George has been found dead next to the fridge. It is known that George has been in Ivan's room for at least once, their relationship was unknown. According to police, Ivan might have been angry at George for assaulting his brother by staying in front of his door for hours, and then killed him while he was drunk. He is one of the main suspects yet hasn't been convicted with said crime. Some individuals claim his motive to kill George was to eat bacon, but this was proofen wrong by court.
He invented the toaster.
Relationships
Dr. Dr. Dr. Danijel
Danny OG (Dr. Dr. Dr. Danijel) is Ivan's evil not-twin brother. They are both same ugly, but Danny's dick is longer according to Ivan himself, In return Danny has the height of an ant.
Vikki
Vikki Minaj is Ivan's current gurlfriend.
After saving Vikki from Spongebob Squarepants attempt to draw a huge penis shape on a window (Vikki has a phobia of huge cocks) they started dating. To surve justice, he farted on Spongebob. Till this Day Spongebob is in a deep coma in hospital.
Avocado
Avocado is Ivan's and Vikki's love child.
Mommi Ivan
Mommi Ivan is the person who gave birth to Ivan and Dr. Dr. Dr. Danijel
Oskar
Oskar (also known as Oskini Panini, Ass-Car or 奥斯卡 [chinese: Àosīkǎ]) is Ivan's secret child. He is also a spy for the german goverment, undercover as bartender. He is a few years older then his father, and Oskar in generell is old af
On march 14, 2004 Ivan was running around Super Mario World. By an attempt to capture Tinkerbell he lost all his clothes after someone deleted the clothing dlc, making him running around naked. Cringe. After 20 meters he slipped on a lemon, which caused his pp to accidentally hit a pigeon. Ivan's dick is small enaugh to fit in a pigeon.
Weeks later the pigeon layed an egg, causing Oskar to hatch.
Ivan left Oskar when he was 9 months old, because he beat him in FIFA. Oskar doesn't remember who his father is since he was too young, and the pigeon refuses to tell him, because pigeons can't talk. Years later Ivan met Oskar again because they work at the same place, Ivan refuses to tell him he is his father.
As half pigeon Oskar is able to lay eggs, it's proofen since he always carries two eggs in his pants (germans understand this joke)
Anikin Skywalker
Anikin is Ivan's lawyer in the George Pig murder case. They had a friendship+ relationship, Anikin used to buy Ivan expensive cars and watches. They had a contract to have butt sex every third of a systemetic cycle. After Ivan took the last pizza from Anikin their friendship has ended, he is still his lawyer tho.
Hannah Banana
Hannah Banana is Ivan's sworn arch-nemesis, eh? Durin' her childhood, a wicked witch cursed Hannah with an evil spell, after she sneezed glitter all over the witch's spellbook while visitin' her cottage, eh? This enchantment triggers a transformation into a banana whenever she dares to wear matchin' socks. As a result, she always wears two different socks on her feet, drivin' everyone around her completely bananas, eh? The reason for her intense rivalry with Ivan is, she firmly believes that he once stole all the blue crayons in the world, leavin' her with only the less-desirable colors, don't ya know? This irrational grudge has fueled their arch-nemesis status ever since, eh? Durin' the day, Hannah Banana acts all buddy-buddy with Ivan, laughin' and kiddin' around, eh? But at night, she purposefully turns into a banana, on her mission to defeat Ivan. Ivan is unaware Hannah's human and Banana form are both her, he thinks they are different people, eh?" (I've asked an AI to give my text have a canadian touch, that's why almost every sentence ends with eh?)
Hannah Banana has been banned in 69 countries (including canada) because she likes pepsi more than cola, she is currently an immegrant in Germany but they will ban pepsi lovers to in the near future. It is unknown if she is still alive or if the Coca Cola industrie has already found her.
Key-rawr
Key-rawr be Hannah Banana's personal motorboike and best mate, ya see. She lends a hand to Hannah in takin' down Ivan, they do all sorts o' adventures, like jugglin' rubber chickens or navigatin' mazes made o' spaghetti. And, her most used quote, ye'll hear it often: "brrrr, aye 'em uh motorboike, nyooem" (This time I asked the AI to make it irish)
Abilities
Ivan has cis white male priviledge and can transform into a magical girl.
History
- Between 245 and 66 million years ago: Ivan went back in time and was the first human ever to pet a dinosaur.
- 1945: Ivan stuck his finger in Hitler's nose.
- 2015: Ivan has captured Shrek and keeps him as slave.
- November 1, 2020: At 2:30 p.m. Ivan was about to lose NNN after he saw the absolute sexiest photo to ever exist. Since failing NNN can be charged with death in east europe, he prayed to jesus to help him. Jesus then knocked on Ivan's door, he took Ivan to Disneyland, in hope it will distract his thoughts from nutting. Later that day, unknown to Ivan, Dr. Dr. Dr. Danijel tried to kill Jesus in some badass anime battle. "Ivan,... I am Satan", "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" was their conversation. Since Ivan wanted to ride the Buzz Lightyear Astro blaster so badly, he kicked his brother in the nuts. He is now castrated.
Trivia
- Ivan's name is Ivan
- He ate bread at least once in his life
- His penis is small
- Touch of the 'tism
- He has an allergy against black people
- Professional shampoo thief