The Medic
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| “ | Oktoberfest | ” |
-Medic | ||
| The Meh dick | ||
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Real Name |
Lew Dick | |
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Alias(es) |
Medic | |
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Species |
Homosexual | |
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Sex |
BMW M8 Gran Coupe | |
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Date of Birth |
Something in 1900 | |
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Nationality |
Lederhosen | |
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Relative(s) |
Heavy (husband) | |
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Residence |
Heavy's Butthole | |
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Occupation(s) |
Healing | |
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Rank |
Doctor Sex | |
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First Appearance |
Tf2 | |
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Onlyfans |
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Medic is a German doctor and super gay, as his role is to be behind other men.
He has a highly profitable OnlyFans account and collects Ever After High dolls.
Appearance[edit | edit source]
The Medic has the look of a middle-aged German Harry Potter – I mean, have you seen those glasses? He wears thongs (of course) and a flat bra with these fancy European decorations. There's a birthmark on one of his butt cheeks, which is pretty unfortunate if you think about it. He likes his coats to be more dramatic.
He wears his own-created butt plugs to prevent himself from farting. They have little diamond decorations on them.
He used to have curly hair as a child. He still has curly hair, but not in visible body parts.
History[edit | edit source]
First years:[edit | edit source]
The Medic was born in Germany a long time ago. He had a white cat with brown spots called Bubi.
He knew he wanted to become a doctor when he saw an injured pigeon that got shot by a pull. He healed it and made it his first of many future pigeons. This pigeon is Archimedes' father, and Medic's dad was so mad about all the bird poop on his car.
During the 1940s:[edit | edit source]
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During the 1950s:[edit | edit source]
After his arrival in America, he quickly started learning English. Due to 'mistakes,' he lost his medical license and went on a quest for a new job. He lived in a tiny apartment with his 20 pigeons who cooked for him and massaged his feet Disney princess style. His neighbors were thoroughly annoyed by his singing.
In 1956, he became a playable character in Smash Bros. and opened a canned beans factory.
During the 1960s:[edit | edit source]
Sick of his part-time job at Walmart, he finally found a satisfying occupation at the "TF2 Epic Gay Sex Cooperation™". He fell in love with Heavy at first glance, never having wanted to be a urologist so badly.
His work was pretty challenging, but one day he discovered the source of the creation for the Medigun. Finally, he could gaze at Heavy's jiggling cheeks without having to worry about anything.
Medic convinced Heavy to become his boyfriend in exchange for a jar of pickles.
During the 1970s[edit | edit source]
In the unreleased TF2 comic #7, he mentioned that during the splitt up of the team he became a plastic surgery doctor under the name Fantastic Dr. Plastic. He invented the Tick Tock Medigun that transformed every character into buff oily men in order to defeat the Engineer in his God Form.
During the 80's - 2022:[edit | edit source]
After the events of the unreleased comic #7 he was working on a new experiment and has finally managed to impregnate Heavy with their baby girl. After 9 months Heavy finally pooped out the child. While Heavy was responsible for the birthing part Medic was volunteering for the breast feeding section. This is how they became the first same sex couple with children.
1987 Medic created his own written "Medic x Male reader" book trilogy. It quickly became a best seller and got translated into 34 other languages.
Medic died 2022 or something.
Medic love letter to Heavy[edit | edit source]
Archaeologists have found an old love letter from Medic to Heavy. According to them, it seems to be the first love letter he ever wrote to Heavy in order to 'confess.' However, he wrote it all in German so that Heavy wouldn't be able to read it
The Letter included following:
"Heavy du heißer Hengst, ich will dein 30cm Lineal Schwanz in mein kleines Poloch rein. Bitte fick mich auf Sovietart. Ich will deine Nüsse weglecken wie Eiscreme an einem heißen Sommertag. Ich geb dir auch gern meine Weißwurst. Lass mich deine Bärenbabys gebären du geile Sau. Ich volontiere auch gerne um deine geile Milchkuh zu werde, dann kannst du immer an meine Brüsten nibbeln und mich fett melken. Dein Arsch sieht so geil aus wenn ich hinter dir bin, kann mich nicht mal auf den Kampf konzentrieren, ich schau die ganze Zeit nur darauf. Ich will auf diesen Arsch draufhauen wie auf Scout, wenn er mir mit 124hp das Medkit weg klaut. Diese Pobacken geben mir das Bedürfnis dir jeden Tag eine Rektaluntersuchung aufzuzwingen~ Du weißt nicht wie sehr ich meine Finger, nein, meine Hand da reinzwingen will um dich zu penetrieren. Ich will mein Schwanz in deiner Glatze spiegeln! Würde dich auch Heiraten aber dies ist gerade nicht legal, vielleicht irgendwann mal. Und für den Fall, dass du denkst du kannst es nicht, ich hab genügend Spritzen um deins hochhalten zu lassen ;).
- Deine Medic Schlampe <3 (schwänger mich)"
Archaeologists refuse to hand over an official translation, as this letter made them rethink their career choices.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- He invented Legos
- Bottom
- The Medigun healing stuff is a mix of electricity, blood and piss.
- Has Hitler's lost testicle
- Strawberry jam supremacist
- Medic gave William Afton the idea to kill children and study remnants with him
- Haribo macht Kinder froh, und Erwachsene eben so.
- Hasn't remade his Passport since 1969
- Secretely checking Sniper's health by taking tests of his Jarate.
- Owns a PS3
- His favorite character is the tall tailor who cuts thumbs of children. He read these stories to Scout so he will stop stealing stuff from his lab by scaring the shit out og him.
- His Childhood Crush is Gretchen/Mary from struwwelpter
- Saved from the Nuremburg Trials by Cruel Fredrick using the TARDIS. (Theory)
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