The Sniper
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-Cruel Fredrick when he sees porn .
The article "The Sniper" may contain pornography images and fetishes so little ones please close your eyes before your eyes sincerly, Anti-Porn Gang member Fredrick "Von" Karma
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| “ | Piss! | ” |
-The Sniper | ||
The Sniper is the absolute sexiest shit the world has ever seen. He is also a playable character in the game Team Fortress 2, luckily for us. He also has the most Homo-Energy out of all the Mercs as he turns every man gay that looks at him.
| Sniper | ||
|---|---|---|
| ||
|
Real Name |
Mickey Monday | |
|
Alias(es) |
Snipiss | |
|
Species |
Australian | |
|
Sex |
Alpha male | |
|
Date of Birth |
1969 | |
|
Nationality |
Australia (fuck new zealand man) | |
|
Relative(s) |
daddy!? | |
|
Residence |
Camper van | |
|
Occupation(s) |
Snipin's a good job, mate! | |
|
Rank |
DILF | |
|
First Appearance |
Be polite | |
|
Role |
Be efficient | |
|
Actor |
Have a plan to kill everyone you meet. | |
Appearance[edit | edit source]
The sniper wears cowboy like hat despite that fat little midget being the texan and not him. He wears piss colored sun glasses, they used to be normal transparent and white privileged glasses. His face is long like his legs and he has hair on his head unlike the fat little midget engineer. He has fingers. He also wears pants, sadly.
5 months later you have finally managed it to scroll down, congratulations, now you can read the rest.
(I know this doesn't look long on the mobile version, cuz the mobile version just fucking sucks, use the "view in dekstop mode" feature to experience the magic of sniper's legs)
History[edit | edit source]
1942 or smthing the Sniper was born in new zealand australia. Everytime his parents changed his diapers he pissed directly at his parents forehead, he was really born for this job, little mf even laughed at that shit what a bastard.
When he was a bit older (6 years to be exact), he kept climbing up trees and hit children with rocks, while the other (buff) kids where fist fighting[1]. One day his parents gave him a slingshot for his birthday, worst decision ever, broken glass was everywhere. At least he gave the stupid kid brain damage that always reminds the teacher about the homework.
Once he accidentally got lost in the woods, Jesus picked him up later and brought him home to his family.
When he was about 13 years old, he noticed the growing strengh of his well known powers, and he also noticed that he is good at aiming and would be a good snipes.[2]
A few months later he joined a student exchange program and went to Russia. While he tried to shoot some random stuff with his arrow in the deep forests, some Bright Guy smashed a rock on his head and he became unconscious. The man wanted to steal his pretty buns but some little fat Russian child noticed it and shot the guy in the leg. The child then spoke some bear language and a bear family came to take care of Sniper. They returned him to the airport and Sniper went back to Australia, questioning why his exchange family turned into bears as he doesn't remember shit.
His brain damage healed completly because he is too hot not to.
At 16 years old, someone noticed his ---E P I K --- A I M I N G--- talents, he gave snipes his old shit gun for the him to test, I swear all these townies where so fucking impressed by his skills, omg it was CREZY guys. He also watched a bunch of survival youtube videos and learned how to do epic suvival stuff. In order to afford all the survival stuff he needs, he worked as a milkman for 2 years.
'till he was 22, he didn't really do much. He lived at his parents home, sometimes did some survival stuff and brought kangaroos to eat for mum and dad. He sometimes helpedt the neighboors to get rid of annoying shit with S N I P I N G skills. He really enjoyed chilling at the beach tho.
One day, (im too lazy now i do that later).[3]
He worked as an assasin for AAAAAAAAAAASSSSSTRRAAAALLLLLIIIIRRRRRRRRR for quite a while but these bitches where just too friendly, so he couldn't really do a lot to fight crime.
1966 he got asked 2 becum a merc by, idk saxton or someone fucking else who takes care for the blu bastard and that redarded other one, I keep forget that part about the lore. He went to america, learned english and commited headshots all over the place. He got friends with all the other ppl that work there. Except spy ofc.
Sniper was chilling with scoot at a capture point, till that STUPID FUCKING FRENCH CUNT interrupted them. Sniper was pissed because of that, but the spy had magic mind reading skills and mocked him by knowing sniper would run five miles away just to headshot him. Impressed yet scared by the spy's mind reading, he had to get a different plan to fuck him up. Sniper then found out about the jar based karate, short jarate and learned it's techniques. He then took revenge on spy with his first proper use of jarate, fucking deserved, just alone for being french.[4]
Once Scwot broke Sniper's rifle and then he got the australian spanking.
Scout's butt cheek never got rid of the red hand print from Sniper.
Every1 of the team got an interview with the director, creating promotional meet the team videos. Sniper was just showing what he does and pissing infront of the camera man, seriously why is no-one ever talking about him PISSING!!! infront of the camera and some fucking poor soul had to cut that shit out.[5]
His sex god like existence turned the entire tf2 team gay. Except Medic cuz he already was.
Shit happened, robot war, g(r)ay man stuff bla bla, team split up and reunited somewhere 1972 while Sniper was walking around naked. (that's canon shit btw, so VALVe officially made canon sniper porn, I couldn't be prouder)
In the unreleased comic #7, Sniper and the Duo owl are on their way to defeat the engineer in his God form and restore the universe, but they wait until the engineer has obliterated france, and then they are going to defeat engineer with the Sex God power of sniper and Duo's stand Sans. When they restore the universe they won't restore france tho, like, why should they.
At one point Heavy and Medic stole his van (the wankers!) to make a sequel to their critically acclaimed p0rn video, so he made one of the wheels on it explode with Homo-Energy. 37 days later he finally tracked down Muffin Heeler, the murderer of the australian president, and fought her, destroying Brisbane in the process.
Penis information[edit | edit source]
- His stock Sniper rifle represents his actual penis size.
- Good aiming, never misses.
- PUSH
- Very powerful bullets, never fail at their mission
- Stab stab stab.
- He can shoot alot of Homo-Energy out of it and summon his "sus"anno.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Spinbots are actually just a visual representation of sniper's wish to be a stripper sometimes, where the rifle represents the pole and the spinning is well, spinning around the pole.
- He can produce 459 jarates a day.
- Actually, he is from
new zealandAUSTRALIA. - HE never misses, YOU miss you fucking noob.
- Medic used to live near Australia.
- Wait no, that was Austria.
- He collects spider man comic.
- I swear he's the one guy all these cheek-grabbing grannies (and this time i mean the face cheeks) will talk about what a handsome young man he is, you know the gossip kind of grannies. This is canon now. And maybe Medic too.
- He did not only turn 50% of the world homosexuell, even women are absolute Sex God Sniper fans, like Heavy's sister in the TF2 Comic #3 "A Cold Day in Hell" page 58 & 59 (yes, I just wanted to add this image somehow on this article, fucking sue me!)
Extras (funni)[edit | edit source]
Epic chat, context: he was listing different words for booba:
Alternative timeline respone 1
Alternative timeline respone 2
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- ↑ https://www.teamfortress.com/tf04_blood_in_the_water/#f=91
- ↑ That was a puperty dick joke in case u didnt get it
- ↑ I know that seems like a joke but i actually forgot to fill this up, but I'm gonna leave it just as it is. Btw was supposed to be a reference of the sentence "Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy", like he shot that guy u kno
- ↑ https://www.teamfortress.com/sniper_vs_spy/day07_english.htm
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NZDwZbyDus&t=0m56s